


CONSPIRACY THEORIST

by frnklyiero



Series: VARIATION [9]
Category: Fall Out Boy
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Hogwarts, M/M, Pining, Secret Crush
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-10
Updated: 2018-11-10
Packaged: 2019-08-21 08:59:15
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,387
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16573565
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/frnklyiero/pseuds/frnklyiero
Summary: "I don't know about something coming up but if it has anything to do with your dong then I - Ow! What was that for?""I need a theory. A conspiracy theory."Where Patrick tries to get Pete's attention.





	CONSPIRACY THEORIST

**Author's Note:**

> This one shot was imported from my old Wattpad account. The version you read now is the version as it was last available on Wattpad.

"Don't be ridiculous, Pete," scoffed the boy with the frizzy hair. "There's is absolutely no way the school could be hiding something like that."

The olive-skinned boy's eyes flashed with defiance but the grin on his face suggested that he welcomed the challenge. "That's possible, Joe," Pete Wentz the Gryffindor responded, propping his feet on the table, much to the annoyance of everyone sitting at the table. "But you do know that Hogwarts has the Chamber of Secrets --"

"For Merlin's sake, _here we go again_ ," groaned Andy Hurley, who was Pete's roommate. He smoothed his copy of the Quibbler and pushed his glasses up the bridge of his nose.

"And the Chamber of Secrets hid, not just a basilisk, but the Basilisk that belonged to Salazar Slytherin!" Pete jabbed his finger in the air in a conspiratorial manner, nearly taking out the eye of a Ravenclaw student who was passing by their table.

"Yeah, but those are just stories, aren't they?"

"Trohman, your willingness to remain in the land called Ignorance and Close-mindedness worries me," Pete said before he sipped on his pumpkin juice.

Joe, the boy with the frizzy hair, shrugged. "Stories passed around by word of mouth have the tendency to have their details exaggerated. You can't blame me for being skeptical."

"Oh, like that one time that Avery kid from Slytherin said Toro had a ten-inch cock, right?" Pete said aloud when he was smacked upside the head with a rolled-up copy of the Quibbler by Andy. "Ow, what was _that_ for?"

"That was a perfect example," Andy agreed, unrolling his magazine, "but you don't have to say that out loud. Also, a ten-inch cock's a tad bit unrealistic. It's not like it could fit into an anus or a vagina without the possibility of impaling the receiver."

"Why the hell are we talking about cocks at the table?" Joe asked wearily.

"Because cocks are interesting."

"Go suck a cock, Wentz," scoffed Joe as he rose from his seat at the Gryffindor table to return to the Ravenclaw table. That marked the end of their morning discussion about one of Pete's crazy conspiracy theories about the school. It was a wonder how Andy and Joe could maintain their sanity being around Pete and it was even more of a wonder how the strawberry blond boy sitting at the Hufflepuff table could believe in Pete's words.

The mentioned Hufflepuff boy watched the group split up and sighed. Ever since the start of his first year at Hogwarts, he remembered seeing Pete for the first time three years ago and thinking, "Wow, he's so cool." Admittedly, Pete was eccentric but it was the kind of eccentric Patrick admired. Every year he tried to plan 'coincidental' meetings with Pete but he always failed to execute them because Pete never left the company of his friends, Andy and Joe. It was the strawberry blond boy's fourth year and still no success.

"Patrick, when are you gonna get your arse up and talk to him?" Patrick was drawn out of his thoughts when he was addressed by his friend, Gerard Way. "It's been five thousand years and any moment now Pete could just go 'Bam! New significant other, Patrick Stump who?'"

Patrick sighed. "Gerard, not everyone has the courage to do certain things. That's why I'm in Hufflepuff."

"Yeah, but Hufflepuffs are hard workers - for the most part - and if you could push yourself a little, I'm sure you'll end up standing in a bathroom stall with his head in between your legs," Gerard said brazenly.

Heat flooded into Patrick's cheeks. "Um, I'm not too sure about getting blown but I just want to be his friend."

"Lame," commented Gerard, "but cute? I guess I could try to hurry the process along --" Before they could get out of their seat, a hand forced Gerard back into their place. "Um, I believe you should be pushing me towards the Gryffindor table," Gerard said, glancing at Patrick, "but it's cool. We all make mistakes. So if you could just --" They tried to get up once more but Patrick pulled them back into place. Gerard sighed. "You're never gonna get dick this way."

"Goddamit, Gerard." Patrick shoved toast in his mouth.

 

* * *

It was not an uncommon sight to see Pete and his friends at the Three Broomsticks on the days students were allowed to go Hogsmeade. From the weary looks on his friends' faces, Patrick figured Pete had cooked up one more wild conspiracy theory.

"Talk to him, goddamit," muttered Gerard into their Butterbeer while glaring at Patrick. "If you don't get your bloody arse off the chair, I'm losing ten Galleons to Iero."

Patrick was annoyed his best friend was still trying to push him towards Pete, and even more so that Gerard had placed a bet on him. "It's your fault for betting," Patrick told Gerard. "Besides, you know how I am."

"Yeah, but I thought you might grow some balls today," Gerard responded then he glanced at Patrick's crotch in a rather obvious manner. "Which you haven't."

"Piss off, Way." Patrick elbowed Gerard, crossed his legs then went to finishing the rest of his Butterbeer. Perhaps it'd annoyance for being teased by Gerard or he'd grown tired of constantly admiring Pete from afar that made Patrick set his mug down with a determined frown, and rose from his seat. His ears were filled with the noise of his heart thumping loudly in his chest; a part of him was shocked as to why he was suddenly overcome with a such a strong resolve to talk to Pete that it started screaming at him to stop.

But he didn't.

A step forward became two steps, four, going on until he reached the table where Pete and his friends sat. In hindsight he hadn't thought of what he wanted to say to Pete so when he stood there before them, frowning, he realized he had made things rather awkward for Pete and his friends. Patrick's face went embarrassingly red for a moment when his gaze flitted around the faces before resting on Pete's. Patrick drew a breath, opened his mouth, and blurted the first thing that came to his befuddled mind, "I have a conspiracy theory."

In his mind, he sounded confident and assertive but in reality his voice had gone squeaky and the clarity of his words left much to desire. Behind Patrick, Gerard smacked his forehead, cussed under his breath and slouched in his seat to the point that he actually managed to slide off the chair he sat.

The three boys stared at Patrick. Andy and Joe were confused as to why some kid they had never met was walking up to them and declaring he had a conspiracy theory. But not for Pete; admittedly he hadn't enjoyed listening to idle talk from his friends and was detached from the conversation until this kid with strawberry blond hair appeared in his line of vision and said he had a theory. Pete grinned at Patrick, eyes alight with interest. "Really?" he inquired, though wondered why the kid was turning redder by the second.

Patrick was speechless. Pete had just spoken to him, and not only that, he appeared to be interested in what Patrick had to say. Unfortunately, Patrick was only saying it for attention. A bead of sweat broke out on his brow as he stared at Pete, suddenly robbed of his ability to speak. He could feel the weight of the gazes of Pete's friends on him, heavy with skepticism. "Um," said Patrick, tearing his eyes off Pete's to the ground. He felt embarrassed with himself for resorting to deception just to get Pete's attention.

"Oh, is your theory top secret or something?" Pete asked, ignorant to how flustered Patrick was getting.

"Oh, don't be ridiculous," scoffed Andy. "He just announced it --" He was silenced when Pete stuffed a bun in his mouth. Andy scowled and punched Pete in the arm.

"We could discuss it elsewhere," suggested Pete when he casted a weary glance at his friends, "away from the naysayers, obviously." The way he said it, with a twinkle in his eyes, made Patrick's heart race faster.

"U-um sure, I guess," choked out Patrick, whose tongue had regained a small portion of his ability to speak. "Yeah, that - that sounds great."

"Cool." Pete gave Patrick the finger-guns gesture. "So, we'll discuss this later. Meet me at the library in school later at ... is four o' clock good?"

Words were failing him again so Patrick nodded, staring at Pete in amazement and confusion. He couldn't believe how easy it was to talk to Pete that he was tempted to scream inwardly at himself for stalling for so long. Giving an awkward tight-lipped smile, he spun on his heel and made his way back towards the table where Gerard sat. Lightheaded from the exchange, he bumped painfully on the chair's legs as he was about to sit.

"Wow," Gerard said, looking at a wincing Patrick. "I didn't think it was that easy."

"Right?" Patrick rubbed his sore foot, grimacing but also hoping Pete wasn't looking in his direction. "But bloody hell, Gerard. I really have to come up with something."

"I don't know about something coming up but if it has anything to do with your dong then I - Ow! What was that for?" he yelped, rubbing his side where Patrick elbowed with a martyred expression.

"I need a theory. A conspiracy theory." Then Patrick proceeded to explain a summary of what had happened during his brief exchange with Pete. Detachedly Patrick noticed that Gerard's eyebrows were trying to escape from his forehead and that Gerard was wearing that teasing smirk on his lips. "Stop smiling at me like that!" Patrick demanded. "It's really creeping me out."

Gerard's hair became yellow, the color of amusement. "Yeah, okay." But his smirk didn't disappear and the color of his hair didn't revert back to its original color, dark ash brown hair. "But you really have to think of something. You've only got four hours, I think, to make up some theory about the school."

"I know," Patrick groaned in frustration and rested his forehead on the table. The surface was mutinously cool against his heated skin. Self-anger, despair and worry came in turns, leaving Patrick considering not showing up at the library later. "What have I gotten myself into?"

* * *

Against his reasonings, Patrick showed up at the library at four o' clock sharp. He did this so as to not seem overly eager to see Pete or inconsiderate about Pete's time. Craning his neck, he searched amongst the shelves and tables to see if he could catch a glimpse of the boy he was to meet when a hand shot out by the shelves of the Potions sections and yanked him by the sleeve. Reflexively, Patrick's fist flew and crashed into someone's face.

"Cock-sucking twat!" exclaimed the person. Leaning back against the shelf for support with his hand to his face was Pete. He was staring at Patrick but before Patrick could gauge Pete's feelings the librarian came right over and gave the two of them a good scolding before making them leave the library.

Both Patrick and Pete stood there in the hallway; Patrick felt embarrassed but Pete looked amused. The older of the two turned around and stuck out his hand with a broad grin. "Pete Wentz, part-time Hogwarts student and full-time conspiracy theorist."

Patrick glanced at Pete's outstretched hand then at Pete. In that brief millisecond between staring and reaching out to shake Pete's hand, Patrick could've sworn his brain came up with thousands of formulas to calculate every tiny detail of Pete's hand, how it felt, what did it smell like, what percentage of it was used in a day. Awkwardly, he shook Pete's hand. "Patrick Stump."

The handshake was brief, leaving no room to confirm whatever speculations Patrick had. It was both a relief and a disappointment. However, Patrick hoped it was the same on Pete's end; his hands were clammy so Patrick was counting on their short period of contact to hide that fact.

"Awesome." Fortunately, Pete had the graciousness not to wipe his hand on his pants. "So, you had a conspiracy theory, right?" The question managed to shake off the lightheadedness Patrick was experiencing now.

"Oh." Patrick pressed his lips together, looking away from Pete. The guilt that swelled in his chest was forcing the truth to be released. "Well ... I --" It hurt to see how excited Pete was to listen to his nonexistent conspiracy theory. "I don't actually have a theory." His shoulders tensed as he braced himself for Pete's reaction.

However, Pete didn't show any signs of annoyance, disbelief or disappointment. "Oh that's okay." It was almost ridiculous how he shrugged it off. "You just wanted an excuse to talk to me, right?"

Patrick was shocked to hear his true intentions from Pete. "Wait, how did you --" He broke off, eyes wide. "Was it that obvious?"

Pete shrugged. "Just a theory," he said with a vague air although Patrick didn't miss the slight quirk of his lips at the end of the sentence.

Patrick's cheeks was flushed red with embarrassment. "Oh god."

Pete chuckled. "But yeah, s'alright with me if you wanna talk." He gave a mock salute. "Anyway, I'll be off now. If you have any more 'conspiracy theories'" -- he did an air quotes gesture while backing off --"then by all means, talk to me. I'd be happy to listen."

Patrick could hardly believe his ears; he stood there dumbfounded, finding himself unable to speak as he watched Pete stroll down the hallway in an insouciant manner. This meeting had gone so well he actually pinched himself to make sure this wasn't a surreal dream he had yet to wake up from.

"Whoa," he breathed, the skin on his forearm stinging from his pinch. Tiny, incredulous laughter bubbled from his throat as he placed his hands on his cheeks, staring after where Pete had went. Not once had he ever thought it'd be this easy to talk to Pete and now that he had gotten the chance, he was filled with joy and exhilaration.

He was happy he finally took his first step to getting closer to Pete Wentz.


End file.
